


regrets

by PhyllisCake



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright Spoilers, Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest Spoilers, Gen, Gender-Neutral!Kamui, Japanese names, Not A Fix-It, Time Loop, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 23:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8553088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhyllisCake/pseuds/PhyllisCake
Summary: Elise regrets.(Unexplained time travel as canon-compliant as possible)





	

When Kamui was faced with the most difficult choice of their life, Elise trusted. She trusted that Kamui loved her and her siblings, enough so that they would stay with the family they grew up with. And Elise’s trust was not misplaced. Kamui chose to stay with their family in Nohr.

Elise was delighted.

And when she gained another sibling, an older sister, Aqua--Elise was _beyond_ delighted.

But Elise wasn't ignorant or unobservant. She saw. She saw that as the war raged on, something in Kamui was dying. Each time they encountered and fought one of Kamui’s _real_ \--Elise hated that word, hated the envy that it evoked--siblings, Elise watched the brightness fade from Kamui’s eyes. Elise saw Aqua, too. She saw that wall between her and Elise’s family, despite supposedly being _Aqua’s_ real family. And it does hurt. Elise can tell, if she had an actual choice, Aqua would never have left Hoshido. If Kamui missed their real family even though they don't remember them, why isn't Aqua the same? Why can't both Kamui and Aqua love Elise--and Camilla, Leon, Marx--the same way they love their Hoshidan siblings?

But Elise keeps a smile on her face. She laughs, is bright and cheerful as she always is. Because no matter what she thinks deep down, she is and will always be thankful that Kamui and Aqua are here now.

Or so she tells herself.

* * *

The war is over. Their father, the father Elise apparently never knew, was gone. It was supposed to be a celebration right now, at Princess Hinoka’s crowning. She should be happy, because all Elise ever wanted was peace. So Elise smiles. She is bright and friendly and makes friends with Princess Sakura. But underneath it all, Elise is watching Kamui. Watches as they talk to Hinoka and Sakura, watches as Kamui looks at them and sees Ryouma and Takumi’s death, and Aqua’s disappearance.

Elise misses the days when her family was whole and truly happy. Because as much as Kamui is _there_ , part of them is gone, died with their brothers and Aqua. She knows Marx, Leon, and Camilla can see it, too, but like Elise, there is little they can do now. As for Aqua, Elise misses her, too. She wishes she could have been a better sister, maybe if she had tried _harder_ , Aqua would have been happier, too.

So, Elise sees the sadness and guilt and longing in Kamui’s eyes, even as they, too, smile happily, and she understands. She never wanted to see those emotions in _any_ of her siblings.

And so she _regrets_.

* * *

Elise opens her eyes.

“Elise, darling, we’re here.”

“Huh?” Elise looks around, slightly disoriented from her nap. She is sitting inside a carriage and Camilla is just exiting. _Oh that's right...We're visiting Kamui_. Elise immediately perks up and hops out of the vehicle.

“Let’s go, let's go!” She grabs Camilla’s hand and pulls her towards the training tower that Kamui uses.

Camilla laughs and says, “Oh, Elise. Kamui’s room is in the other tower.”

“I know! But they’re training right now!” Elise exclaimed.

“...Elise, how did you know that?”

“What? Of course I know! I...I...um…” An awkward silence ensued. “I...heard it somewhere?”

“Alright...well, let's not waste anymore time then, shall we?”

“Yeah!”

* * *

As soon as Elise saw Kamui, she felt an overwhelming urge to cry welling up. She immediately dashed up to them and jumped into their arms. Kamui laughed and spun her around. “Hello to you, too, Elise.”

Elise buried her face into their body as she hugged them. She sniffed once or twice to stop her tears from showing before breaking away and giving Kamui her sunniest smile. “I love, love, love you! Hehe.”

They smiled back, amused, “I love you, too, Elise.” They teased, “You're my favorite little sister.”

“I'm your _only_ \--” Elise cut herself off. Something felt _wrong_ about her statement. “...little sister.” she finished hesitantly. _Sakura_ , her mind whispered. _Who is that?_ She thought. But Elise pushes the moment away in favor of paying attention to her family. It may not last forever, after all. _Where did that come from?_

* * *

Kamui has disappeared. Elise’s siblings are in a state of panic, getting ready to move out to find them. And Elise should be worried, too. And she _is_ , but not as much as she thinks she should be. There is something inside her that tells her Kamui will be okay. Instead of worry, an uneasy feeling rises that has little to do with Kamui being missing.

When they find Kamui, Elise is just as relieved as the rest of her family. They face the Hoshido royal family, with Kamui trapped in between.

And then she remembers. She remembers why she dreaded this moment--and everything that came after.

* * *

Elise’s siblings and Kamui’s Hoshidan siblings each plead with Kamui; Elise doesn't say a word. Her expression says it all. _I forgive you._

* * *

Kamui chooses to leave. Elise can feel the hole they left so vividly it hurts. She watches as the family she loves so much slowly falls apart. But Elise refuses to let herself regret. She will not let herself think _Kamui should be here_. Elise still has Marx, Leon, and Camilla, no matter how broken they've become, they are still there. She sees them go out to fight and come back a little more cracked each time.

Elise takes to disguising herself and sneaking out into the Nohrian capital, selling flowers. Because otherwise, she has too much time to think. And if she can spread a little bit of happiness in the world, maybe she won't hurt so much.

Then one day, she is out selling flowers as usual. The man she is talking to refuses to buy, but then Elise looks past him to see _Kamui_. Elise is so, so happy and for a moment, the world is right again. She takes Kamui and their group to her former caretaker’s home. There are introductions all around. Elise smiles brightly, pretends she doesn't know already. But then Kamui introduces Aqua to Elise.

Elise looks at Aqua, and she sees someone who is much more at peace than she remembers.

So when she has the chance, she says, “I'm sorry we couldn't be what you needed.”

Aqua was at a loss for words. She finally replies, “...What do you…?” But Elise has already turned away.

* * *

She observes Ryouma and Takumi, Hinoka and Sakura, as they all converse with Kamui.

 _You don't know how lucky you are._ Elise thinks--then stops. She is surprised at the vindictiveness of the thought she just had, and it scares her. She squashes it as much as she can, and focuses on guiding Kamui into the castle. But-- _traitor_ \--she can hear herself think, because no matter how much she loves Kamui, she also loves her other siblings, who are all hurting from Kamui’s betrayal. Elise ignores it, instead chatting cheerfully with Kamui, and sometimes Aqua or Sakura. Kamui talks with her happily, but Elise can just feel the hesitation from Aqua and Sakura, but she doesn’t mind. She understands.

Reality comes crashing down again when Camilla shows up. Elise just stands back, watching Kamui and Camilla fight. She hates this so much. She hates it more than she hated the phrase “real family” back then. But there is nothing she can do now.

* * *

Camilla stands down. She finally is able to believe in Kamui, and to let them go. But Elise can still see the wistfulness in her expression, so she thinks, _I’m sorry_.

* * *

It is even worse when they encounter Marx. His refusal to listen is greater than Camilla’s. It isn’t so surprising; Marx’s sense of duty has always been above and beyond. Both Marx and Kamui tell her to stay back. This is one time Elise thinks she will make her own decisions.

She watches the two of them fight while she hides in the shadows. When he raises his sword to deliver a last blow. Elise moves. The only thing going through her head is _We’ve come this far…_

Then she is on the ground, taking painful, raspy breaths. Marx is clutching her body. “ _Elise!_ Why…? Why did you…”

“I...P-please, stop fighting…” She took a shuddering breath. “I know...you can be h-happy…there c-can be...peace...” Elise raises her hand to wipe away Marx’s tears, but it takes all she has and her arm quickly drops back down “I love...y-you...Be...happy. D-don’t regret…please...” It hurts so badly to talk but she forces herself to go on, “Tell...C-camilla and Leo...n, I...l-love the---m…”

 _This time,_ she thinks, _You have to be happy, too, Kamui..._

Her eyes close.

“Elise...Elise!”

Nothing.

* * *

It is Leon’s coronation ceremony, and he welcomes Kamui and their siblings as warmly as he can manage.

But he is selfish, and when Leon thinks about how it should be Marx’s time, about how Camilla has decided to leave after he had settled in as king, about how he will never see Elise’s bright, heartwarming smiles again, maybe, just a little bit, Leon resents Kamui and their decision all those months ago.

But more than that, he _regrets._

* * *

Leon opens his eyes.


End file.
